Ladder Theory admittedly treats relationships as binary, in the
sense of sex or not-sex. There are in-between cases, which I feel
the Ladder addresses. In this section we will take some common
scenarios and see how they are explained within the framework
of ladder theory. The first two, cuddle bitches and friends with
benefits, were proposed in an email I received so I have dealt
with them first.
On Cuddle Bitches
cuddle bitch(n) - a guy who never gets to sleep with a girl but
gets to have intimate moments with her like cuddling, spooning,
or otherwise being affectionate. Usually this will occur in private.
She probably considers him a really sweet guy, which is the kiss
First off, cuddle bitches are bad, bad things to be. Maybe the worst
thing to be. I mean, being an Intellectual Whore is bad, but being
an Intellectual Whore who has to endure blue-balls is bordering
to how it fits into the framework of the ladder.
Basically this is just a guy who has a very high position on the friends
ladder. So far up the friends ladder that he gets the dubious honor
of getting to provide all the intimacy that a girl is missing when she's
off fucking guys who basically don't care about her like outlaw bikers
and band members. So he gets to be the proxy father/confessor/friend/teddy
bear for her, depending on what she is missing at the time. Perhaps
the only consolation of this is a ladder jump to the real ladder seems
statistically a little more likely to succeed. Of course, when one is
that high up the fall is dreadful indeed...
do we know this? Well, if a woman had a nice loving boyfriend then he
would be doing all the cuddling and whatnot and likely wouldn't stand
for a woman maintaining a stable of cuddle bitches. Unless he's completelty
pussified, in which case she's likely fucking some other people anyway.
For guys unacquainted with Ladder Theory, it is even worse. The cuddle
bitch often thinks he is on the good ladder as opposed to the real ladder.
So he gets all excited about his position instead of realizing he is
being completely used. So this poor tool is really setting himself up
for a fall at that point.
Note: This does not apply if cuddling under the influence of mushrooms,
for the express purposes of avoiding hypothermia, or if the woman is
a whore that you've recently paid for sex. Cuddling is perfectly acceptable
and probably non-sexual in these circumstances.
Friends With Benefits:
This is the case where you get to sleep with a woman or have some sort
of intimate physical relations without any sort of committment.
All we can say to this situation is: bravo! This is the optimal condition
to be in--with as many women as possible.
A lot of people try to use this condition as a criticism of ladder theory,
so I'll state again here that this fits perfectly in the framework of
ladder theory. A woman has two ladders, but the second one is the 'guys
I would have sex with' ladder, NOT the 'relationship ladder.' So 'friends
with benefits' is a complete fucking misnomer, since you are not actually
'friends', you are quite more than that. The Ladder Theory only states
what makes a woman want to have sex with a man, it does not take the
puerile view that women don't want to have sex, or that they have to
be somehow tricked into it. If you are a 'friend with benefits', then
you are on the Real Ladder. Congratulations. If you get replaced, you
haven't been demoted ladders, you have merely been replaced by someone
higher than you on the Real Ladder.
That being said, usually women are more interested in long-term relationships
than men, and consent to this form of relationship because there is
ladder disparity in favor of the male. A lot of women say that they
are just having sex, they like it as much as men etc... While the second
statement is undoubtedly exaggerated, there is no reason to think that
women don't want to have sex just as much as men. Which if course only
makes it worse if a woman doesn't want to have sex with you.
Of Female Footstools
Judging by the amount of mail I have gotten about it, a LOT of guys
are using the tactic of making friends with the less-than-attractive
friend of a girl they want to fuck in order to score points with the
girl higher up the ladder. I have never found this to work very well
for me personally, but it does not require an addendum to the Theory,
and can be explained within the framework of Classical Ladder Theory.
Let us call the woman you are using to score points with the woman you
want to fuck the 'footstool.' The woman you are trying to fuck we will
call the 'target.'.
There are two basic situations here. One is that you would fuck the
footstool. This is the easiest one. If you would fuck them then you're
not really friends. The other is that you wouldn't fuck the footstool.
If we look at the ways that men can have female friends we find if you
wouldn't fuck them or if you are fucking someone better. In this case
the target is by definition better, or else the target would be the
footstool. So the whole thing is explained by the Ladder Theory already.
Of course the very idea of calling someone you are merely using to fuck
someone else a 'friend' is a little ridiculous also.
One interesting thing about footstools is it is about as close as a
woman can usually get to knowing what it is like to be an intellectual
Exes are not a special case in the ladder. Usually when someone gets
broken up with it's because the other person thinks they can do better
on the Ladder. Or already has. If you didn't think you could do better
why would you leave the one you were with?
The usual pattern for exes is to try to be friends, realize it's not
going to really work, and then become more and more distant toward each
other over time. In any case, if you continue to fuck for a while, then
you continue to fuck. You wouldn't have had a relationship with them
if they were not on the real ladder, so if it's convienient there's
really no reason not to.
If you are friends, then the normal rules of how men and women can be
friends applies. But it should be said, that many exes try to be friends
because it seems like some shit they should do, when in reality one
of them is hoping they will get back together or at least continue to